so first things first, i met this girl on a dating app a little over 3 months ago.
so far we have been on 7 dates total and all of them have been really really good chemistry and a lot of fun. the most recent time i saw her (earlier today) things were intimate for the first time too (i basically just did foreplay for her as i wasn’t in much of a sexual mood for myself but it was really enjoyable and incredible chemistry which i was worried about.
she’s so beautiful but more importantly we click extremely well, same humour and great connection. I will mention now though that she is diagnosed with BPD and OCD which she is medicated for and she told me off her meds she can be really impulsive but described it with things such as learning random new skills impulsively etc.
i’m a very picky person but I liked her a lot very early on (a few dates in) and genuinely felt like i’m going to get into a relationship with this girl.
she told me a few dates ago about things in her past such as how many people she has dated, including things that seemed odd like that she dated her manager (this was spread out of a lot of conversations)
my previous thoughts were that i found it a bit sucky that she dated her manager but outside of that she just sounds like she’s had some bad exes. one which was a genuinely very bad and then others who were basically just losers
it didnt go very far in my head though since i made a joke a few dates a go about promiscuity and she basically said she’s not even promiscuous and then basically told me her dating history from now to her most recent ex boyfriend (2 dates 0 sex 0 even kisses with either of them)
now to the important part though. I basically opened up to her concerning that i felt like i may have been a little deceitful implying i haven’t slept with any girl outside of a relationship sort of (i basically just told her that some person that we mutually know might tell her im promiscuous if he finds out and that not to believe him).
it led us onto a conversation around the idea that for me having communication with any exes or people you’ve slept with it just not something i think is productive.
she then said something that implied that she has slept with a coworker as she was explaining how she wouldn’t just be able to never communicate since she’d have to be civil with her colleagues.
i pick up on the implication and i ask her, she then goes on to tell me that during the month of october (one month after breaking up with her boyfriend at the time) she slept with a fwb type of thing that she met at a casino, and more importantly TWO of her coworkers, these being her manager and a person in front of house.
I was really taken aback by this to be honest and i made it quite clear since i displayed shock and didn’t hesitate to tell her that it’s really bad but she seemed embarrassed the entire time and aware that it is quite awful.
i was then thinking afterwards like what are the logistics of this?
it got brought up again because we were talking about our flags and she asked if she has any red and i said she’s very close and i think if she didn’t tell me and i found out or something im immediately gone.
but i asked the logistic question directly after and one of them (her manager 28M) it actually happened at her workplace. sneaking in some sort of cellar where there weren’t cameras.
I honestly have no idea if this is like too far. her excuse (not that she feels entirely excused) is that she was spiralling at the time and had a wild month most certainly related to her bpd.
I guess a part of it for me is like, i’m not entirely innocent myself as i have slept with a lot more people than her (8 compared to 34) but i do think the whole ordeal just sucks and shows bad decision-making and impulsivity to a level that i’m not sure if it’s too risky.
she’s never cheated in a relationship says.
like im not sure, i know it’s common for people to have sex pretty surely to rebound but I just really hate that as a concept and i feel as though if i was the man in question i’d be absolutely ruined (my breakup with my ex was brutal for me and if i knew she’d slept with people like that a month after it would’ve literallt ended me lol).
anyways i would really like some advice because i feel a bit bummed out. on one hand she’s really great to spend time with and we have really fucking good chemistry but at the same time I feel like maybe this is actually just too much of a yellow/red flag for me. it’s hard to digest because it’s hard to comprehend her possible mental state at the time if that makes sense.
like i can sort of feel myself feeling less attracted to her based on this information and that really sucks (im not sure if it’s just because of the recency)
im also just quite an overthinker in general and i hate feeling like im being mugged off in any way.
she seems to have a very unique take on relationships in that i asked her if i slept with someone now and told you 6 months later when we’re together if she’d care and she basically said she wouldn’t be thrilled but it wouldn’t change things which to me just seems crazy because i personally care a lot about exclusivity during dating. and although she has told all of her coworkers (including manager) about me and things, I still just find it odd to have that perspective if she’s not herself taking part in something like that.
anyways please give me your words of wisdom
thank you!
TLDR – the girl i’ve been dating for 3 months opened up to me about her past and regretfully told me that in october she slept with two coworkers (one of which was at work and her boss in an cellar) and a fwb only one month after a breakup (which she initiated) after having a bit of an episode. And so now i don’t know if it’s too crazy for me to continue pursuit.