I dont know how to out this…my coworkers get along with me and I figured we're pretty chill. One group said they dont want to celebrate birthdays as an office to save money so we havent this year for a birthday only BUT evey birthday this far has been celebrated with another event. A birthday and going away party combined for instance. Still, a new person joined and they are so well received. Laughter, plans for birthday dinner, etc.
I eat lunch with these people, seem to get along, but seeing their happy reactions to this new person, hearing their big laughter, and realizing ive never been treated that way…I feel a bit lost…
Theres almost this loneliness mixed with sadness I feel that if I think too deeply about it makes my head hurt a little. More deeply and I can cry. Ive told myself im being sensitive but im at loss of what to do.
Im realizing seeing people excel at what I struggle with really hurts….I dont envy them. I just wish I didnt have this struggle or reaction to these things.
I just dont know what this feeling is and how to improve or remove it all together. Maybe reframing is necessary so Im not so emotionally effected by others? I hate that it alos leads me to dislike the object of said interest. Even if I enjoyed their company initially…