My boyfriend (30M) has told me several times that I (32F) make him feel like he’s “dating a man” or someone “too masculine.” His reasons are that my texts can be dry sometimes and that I’m very independent. I have my own career, own my house, my car is paid off, and I’m usually the person helping everyone around me. I’m also the older sibling in my family, so I’ve always been naturally responsible and self sufficient.
What confuses me is that I don’t see how those traits make me masculine. To me, they just make me an adult. But he keeps bringing it up, and it’s starting to bother me.
He was in the military, and sometimes I feel like there’s a control dynamic where if he’s not “leading,” then he views me as too dominant or masculine. I can’t tell if he’s intimidated by me, insecure, or if we just have different expectations in relationships.
We’re planning to have a serious conversation about this tomorrow because he says this issue keeps coming up for him. I honestly don’t know how to take it or what to say back.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How would you interpret comments like this in a relationship?
Edit: I did not mean that he gets onto me for having my own life and career. He’s very proud of the things I’ve accomplished. It’s other things that he says I’m too independent. Such as trying to tell him which direction to go in the car, trying to solve problems he brings to me, texts being “too dry” when I personally think his texts are dry too, me not being as affectionate as he wants me to be (when he is not affectionate in the ways I need him to be either).
So he definitely doesn’t get onto me about having my own independent life. I was just using that as an example as how independent I am. It’s like these other little daily things that he sees as me being too masculine.
UPDATE: wow I was not expecting this many replies with this many points of view. I appreciate every single one of them. I would say that I am a very gullible person and I always let people have the benefit of the doubt. I have felt something has been off in our relationship, not feeling in love with this man and having all these memories of these situations where he’s put me down. I did not talk to any of my friends about them, so this is my first time releasing it all laid out and sharing my stories. This relationship is fucked up. We have not had our talk yet today and probably won’t be today because I’ve had a pounding headache and I barely got any sleep last night. And we postponed our hang out for today. I will definitely update everyone on what happens. But I know deep down I need to be free.