Hi, I (28f) have a 5 month old son and no family in this country, so I’m basically home alone with him all day while my husband works (my first baby his second).
My husband(31m), also has a daughter from a previous relationship. He has a tendency to become really rude and belittling during arguments: swearing at me, calling me names, talks over me when he disagrees and doesn’t let me voice myself just says “I don’t care” when I try to talk.. also speaks with contempt, and argues with me in front of his daughter so she often hears what we’re fighting about which I asked him many times not to do, then trying to smooth it over minutes later like nothing happened and being playful telling me to stop being moody and get over it or come and smack me on the bum.
Today after an argument he almost told me to shut up again because I asked him to hurry to get to our baby crying as I wasn’t able to in the moment.. he claims he was saying “stop” when it began with “shu” I said I’m not an idiot I heard what you began to say and I don’t appreciate it. And he said tha clearly I am an “f’ing idiot” because it’s not what he said.. even if I heard wrong, I still don’t like being spoken to in this way? He then tried to smooth it over coming up to me again trying to justify himself and that I didn’t hear him correctly. At that point I just stopped responding and let him go to bed without me as I don’t have the mental bandwidth right now to deal with it while I already feel isolated. I admit sometimes I reacted with anger and would snap back at him but the he just blames my reaction as the whole issue. I don’t have energy to react at all now.
I feel like the constant disrespect is wearing me down more than the actual disagreements themselves he says a quick sorry but then we argue and he does it again. I also don’t want my baby growing up around this kind of communication. I worry if I take a break and fly to uk to my mum I’m not sure if he would be spiteful.
Am I overreacting for feeling like if it continues I’ll eventually need to leave with my baby for my own wellbeing and my baby’s ? I know his parents arguing in front of him abusively was his reality growing up but I wasn’t raised like this and don’t find it normal how can I get him to see it and how should I be with him so he understands how hurtful it is?
TLDR: Husband becomes verbally disrespectful during arguments (name-calling, swearing, contempt), then tries to act normal minutes later. I’m home alone with our 5 month old all day with no family support nearby and feel emotionally worn down. How should I act with him? Starting to wonder if I’ll eventually need to leave with my baby if this continues.