I’ve realized that my husband’s “31M“ commitment to our marriage feels conditional on my relationship with his mother and sister. Over time, they have consistently spoken down to me, broken boundaries and I eventually reached a point where I had to set boundaries when my baby was born.
When I was three weeks postpartum recovering from a c-section, they came to my house expecting us to host and to see the baby.. they show up at 6 pm, I was not ready for visitors, I was in pain and it was late. I expressed this to my husband and he did not care. After ongoing tension, I asked his mother to leave. She refused, and things escalated into yelling and name-calling while my baby was in my arms crying. I defended myself, and my husband did nothing, that night I had to leave with my baby because they wouldn’t stop. I came home a couple days later and my husband blamed me for the fight.
Since then, things have continued to deteriorate over the past five months. He has been late on the mortgage and has stated he will not contribute because his family is not allowed in our home, he does eventually pay but gives me a hard time. He has also said he no longer wants to make plans with me because of the conflict with his mother. When I ask for basic things in our relationship or for the house, he often refuses, referencing the incident where I asked his mother to leave. He is becoming this angry person, his resentment is making him hate me. I’ve left the house a couple times after intense arguments to deescalate problems. He won’t talk to me at times and won’t check on the baby when we argue. Every problem turns into “you don’t get along with my mom”
At this point, I feel stuck in ongoing conflict that we are unable to move past. He does not acknowledge that his mother’s behavior was harmful, and I’m starting to feel like his family will always come before me and our child. he says im the problem. I’m also questioning whether I was wrong for finally setting that boundary?