I recently came out of a long-term relationship, so I’m aware I might be a bit emotionally sensitive and maybe overthinking this more than I usually would.
There was a guy at my gym who I started noticing after my breakup. He saw me properly on a night out and approached me, he came at me quite hot and heavy. He seemed really keen at the time, eye contact, asking questions, making it feel like there was chemistry, etc. We exchanged numbers and had some normal conversations afterwards, in between moments where he was being very flirty – I did gently let him know I need time for all that. He asked me to teach him to play tennis and we tried to organise a day to see each other, but as time got closer the plans kept changing, and then on the day we were supposed to meet there was nothing solid, I suggested some stuff and he was like oh we should do the weekend so we have more time. I suggested a festival and he said he was tempted but he wasn’t really making much effort so I just let the conversation die and gave it some space to breathe.
Then the energy got weird. We didn’t see each other at the gym for about a week, and I noticed his WhatsApp profile picture disappeared, which made me wonder if he’d deleted my number or changed his privacy settings. I later saw him on Hinge and his profile said he was looking for something casual/short-term. A lot of the talking points he’d used with me were also basically on his profile, which made me realise maybe he’s just someone who has a flirty “set” and enjoys the moment more than actually getting to know someone.
I didn’t like him on Hinge or message him. I decided to just leave it.
Then I saw him at the gym again yesterday. He seemed like he was avoiding me, which made the whole thing feel even more awkward. I didn’t want to skulk around or act like I had something to be embarrassed about, so I went up to him once and just said hi in a normal way. He was a bit dismissive, basically just “hi, you alright” and immediately turned away like he wanted to go back to what he was doing. I just said good and walked away.
Now I feel embarrassed and weird, even though logically I know saying hi to someone you’ve already spoken to is normal. I’m not planning to approach him again. If he wants to be awkward, that’s his choice.
I think what’s bothering me is that he created such a charged energy at first, then acted like I was weird for acknowledging him in real life. It’s made me question whether I looked desperate, even though all I did was say hi once and respond to his flirting.
I also know part of me probably projected onto him because I’m newly single and wanted to feel chosen/desired again. If I’m being honest, I think I built a story in my head that wasn’t really backed up by his behaviour.
So my question is: did I do anything embarrassing by saying hi once, or is he just being socially weird/avoidant? And is this just what casual dating/flirting is like now?
TDLR:
Guy from my gym flirted with me heavily on a night out, we exchanged numbers, then his energy got weird. I later saw his Hinge says he’s looking for casual/short-term, which made me realise I may have read more into the chemistry than he intended. When I saw him at the gym again, I said hi once to make things normal, but he was dismissive. Now I feel embarrassed, even though I know saying hi to someone you’ve already spoken to is normal. Is he just avoidant/socially awkward and trying to get easy access? Is this normal casual men behaviour?