We are a new couple, a little longer than 1 month. We started fast and things got real easily. We are long distance but I see her quite regularly.
There is this problem. My gf does not think wisely about things most of the time. She travels with a drunk or high driver. Its just one example. I want to point this so you understand that she acts impulsive.
She found a new weed dealer. She wanted to buy from him. He picked her with motorcycle, they went to seaside and shared a J there. When she came back, I said I am not okay with her smoking with strangers. She agreed, she said she did not really wanted to go but its her first time to be picked and dropped, she normally goes to dealer's house.
We agreed on not doing it like that. Then, she bought a new pack from this guy again. He came to her house. I was there. We met in person. We shared a J with him, talked like 1 hour or so. Then he left. He is an addict and does drugs. He has lots of money to buy 60g of weed a month with her brother but he is only 22. IDK, not looking like a normal guy. His father is police, he is an addict and has no job, living away from his family. So, I said I did not like the guy.
We couldn't give him the money because he wanted to have it in cash so he said we'll figure it out, no worries. Today, he came to her house to take his money. She shared a J with him. They were out of cigarettes, so he goes to a market to buy one. Meanwhile, she told me that they have smoked. I said when you are not high, we should talk about it. She asked why. I said we have already discussed that smoking alone with a stranger is no go. She said he is no longer a stranger because we have smoked with him and talked around 1 hour. I said it does not make him a safe option to hang with. He is not looking like a normal guy, normal dealer. He is problematic. In our country, these things are problematic and he is addicted to all type of drugs. He is waking up and taking more then 4 pills of something that makes his mind high, IDK what that is. He is addicted and being around an addicted person is not something I want.
She always says do not be anxious for me, I know what is not right and what is right. If I feel safe, you feel safe, she says. It is not possible for me to feel like it.
I am not afraid about something sexual. It is all about her wellbeing and me feeling safe. How can I effectively communicate this safety concern without making her feel like her independence is being restricted? How do we navigate conflicting definitions of a "stranger" or a "safe person" in a new relationship?