I know writing this I am going to sound dumb, that’s because I am. Fully prepared to embrace the dumbness that comes with but I want to vent here if that’s okay. Maybe someone will get entertainment out of this or at least find comfort if this has happened to them. Also I need advice on how to proceed, I don’t want to date this person anymore obviously, at least I don’t think. I’m not attracted to his real self (description at bottom) Not sure if I block him, or if that will make him mad and just stop responding? Or report him to Tinder?
I matched with this “33” year old on Tinder. I am 24. Normally I don’t date too out of my age range (and haven’t dated much at all, have had 2 past, long lasting relationships), but he was so young looking. I assumed that because some 30 year olds look a lot younger for their age, that was why he looked like mid twenties. I found that attractive, how fit and young he presented himself to be in each photo.
After a while of texting non stop every day, I had a weird feeling. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I asked him if we could video chat.
He declined, and said he just doesn’t like the way he looks on camera, but that he’s willing to meet me in person soon because “there’s no difference”. I looked past this because, I remember a time a few years ago I was insecure and didn’t want to FaceTime anyone, but again, I wasn’t dating and having to verify myself at that time. Also, the fact that he was “willing to meet soon” appeared initially as a green flag. I assumed well, he has a lot of confidence, so he must not be lying, right?
But the weird feeling kept on, so I decided to do something I normally wouldn’t do, I filmed a video of myself “as a joke” verifying that I am the person in my photos, hoping he would mimic me and do the same so my weird feeling would go away. Of course, he didn’t.
Finally, right before we were supposed to meet, my instincts got the best of me and I asked him “for safety reasons” if he could send me a live photo of himself. He did…
Oh boy. First of all, he was not 33. I’m not judging anyone older but he lied about his age! He looked mid to late forties. Grey hair patches, not fully brown like his photo. Very heavy set – about 60 pounds heavier! He was so thin in his photos…. I feel so dumb right now.
I know we built this whole connection, but I can’t go through with a man who’s so much older, and, well, wider, than he appeared to be. I’ll need to deal with the loss of what I imagined him to be