My boyfriend and I are both young adults, and recently our relationship has started feeling emotionally draining after a major life setback he experienced.
He was in military basic training, but got injured and had to return home early. Around the same time, his car engine blew up, and now he is back home injured, unable to do physical work, struggling financially, and feeling like his whole future got derailed. I genuinely feel bad for him because I know this would mentally affect almost anyone.
The problem is that since he came back, almost every conversation revolves around how his life is ruined, how hopeless he feels, and how everything has gone to shit. I have tried supporting him emotionally, but lately I feel more like I am absorbing constant negativity than being in a balanced relationship. Also, he has talked about possibly making money through illegal things, such as scamming and drug dealing because he feels trapped, which honestly made me question our compatibility and values long term.
At the same time, I have been realizing that I want a relationship where both people are focused on growth, health, motivation, and building a future. I am currently in school for communications/UX and trying to build a career in marketing/social media/digital design. Additionally, I have gotten more into health/wellness lately, and I think I am starting to realize how important mindset and lifestyle compatibility are to me.
Part of me feels guilty because I know he is going through a genuinely hard time and I do not want to abandon someone during their lowest point. But, another part of me feels emotionally disconnected already and worries I am staying more out of guilt than genuine fulfillment.
How do you know the difference between supporting a partner through a temporary rough patch vs realizing the relationship itself is no longer compatible?