This happened back in February. I’m 25F, he’s 25M.
At the time, I was asking my boyfriend to delete girls off Snapchat and I wasn’t going about it well — I was aggressive, swearing, and would question him anytime I saw a girl’s name. He did delete some and said he was doing it so I’d trust him more and stop asking who everyone was. I later apologized and said I’d stop.
A few days later, I realized he hadn’t been fully honest. He told me he deleted all girls except family/cousins, but I saw one still added — a girl he had a crush on back in 2019. I brought it up, and he said she was just a friend now. Then he got frustrated and started deleting every girl on his Snapchat, including his cousins and family.
I immediately told him to stop and was crying, saying that’s not what I wanted and that it makes me look like I’m trying to isolate him. He refused to re-add anyone and kept saying “this is what you wanted,” even though I told him it wasn’t.
For context, I’ve seen their messages and there’s barely any interaction. He’s shown me chats before and hasn’t really given me a reason to think he’s cheating. There was also a situation where he had a girl from COD saved as “Mike” in his phone — he said he did that because he didn’t want me getting mad. I checked everything, it was harmless, and he offered to change it once I knew.
After the Snapchat incident, he said he wasn’t mad but became distant, didn’t say goodbye before work like usual, and didn’t want to talk about it. Later he said he wasn’t sorry for deleting his cousins because he was tired of me questioning him and not trusting him, but he was sorry for how he acted.
He also pointed out that I have guys on my Snapchat and he’s never asked me to delete them.
Since then, things have improved. I haven’t seen the same behavior from either of us. The only ongoing issue is him asking me not to talk to him while he’s gaming (a boundary I’ve crossed at times).
I did post about this on Facebook back then and got dragged, with people saying this was early signs of abuse/control on his part.
I feel conflicted because I know I was out of line in how I approached things, but he also lied and then reacted in an extreme way that made me look like the problem.
TL;DR: I aggressively asked my boyfriend to delete girls off Snapchat, then caught that he hadn’t deleted one he said he did. When I confronted him, he deleted all girls including family and blamed me, even though I told him not to. Things have improved since, but I’m unsure if I was mainly in the wrong or if his reaction was a red flag.