I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for 4 months. She lives in Manchester for her PhD, and I live in Vienna.
Before this happened, we followed each other on LinkedIn. I noticed a guy, "Daniel," who was connected to her. His profile showed that he had studied and worked in Vienna, with no clear connection to Manchester.
When I visited her in Manchester, she got a message from Daniel while sitting next to me. I asked who he was, and she said he was a "work colleague from Manchester." That felt strange because I already knew his background seemed connected only to Vienna.
The next evening, I accidentally saw another message from him while bringing her phone around 11:30 pm. When I asked again, she seemed nervous and said he was actually from her entrepreneurship course and he is working in her group project. That confused me too, because I didn't understand why someone working full time in Vienna would be part of a course in Manchester.
About 1.5 weeks later, she visited me. I brought her phone to her and saw another message from him, but this time his contact name was completely changed while the profile picture was the same. I don't normally check her phone, but we both have iPhones and a few times her phone was next to mine, so I accidentally saw the lock screen. This happened around four times, and each time there was a message from him.
I asked why someone from a course would message her so often. For context – she told me before that she barely texts anyone, even her closest friends only every 2-3 weeks. Yet this guy messages her alot. When I brought that up, she said they are "more than just colleagues" and text quite frequently – she said every 4 days approx.
This was the fourth time I had brought up my concerns over 2 I asked to see the message. She refused and said going through her phone would be a huge no-go. I understand that, and I don’t want to be controlling, but at that moment I felt like seeing the message was the only thing that would give me clarity. Even the next day, she still refused because she said it would be too toxic.
During the argument, I asked if there had ever been anything more than friendship between them. She answered "I don't think so" – not a clear "No, never." She also seemed unsure how long she had known him, saying maybe 4 weeks, 6 weeks, or 2 months – but I know he had already liked one of her Instagram posts months in mid march. She also mentioned they had met once in her city around three weeks ago which I didn't know.
She keeps saying she loves me, has done nothing wrong, and that I have nothing to worry about. This is also what makes it so confusing for me, because she repeatedly tells me how much she loves me. I had even tried to end the relationship before because of my own doubts and fears, and she forgave me and said she still wanted to try with me. So part of me thinks it wouldn’t make sense for her to risk the relationship over another guy. At the same time, the situation still doesn’t feel fully clear to me. I don’t have proof that anything happened.