Basically when we first got together I had just come out of another relationship that I never properly processed emotionally. I think that affected me way more than I realized at the time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want my current boyfriend, because I did, but I was confused with myself and my feelings in general at the beginning.
Over time though he became genuinely one of the most important people in my life. We basically became best friends too. We’d spend almost every day together, chill, play Minecraft, smoke, stay in bed talking for hours, do random stuff without plans and it never felt boring. He became my comfort person and honestly the first person in years that made me feel genuinely loved and safe again.
The issue is that recently he found old letters/things connected to my ex and it completely destroyed him emotionally. From his perspective it confirmed every insecurity he already had about me not fully loving him or just using him to get over someone else. We’ve had fights before about similar issues and insecurities, but I honestly thought we had moved past them. Now it feels like we got dragged all the way back to the beginning again except way worse.
Since then everything has been super confusing. One second he says we’re done and that I broke him, then he tells me he loves me, stays over at my place, snaps me constantly, gets upset if I’m asleep when he leaves for work, says he still wants me around, then later says he doesn’t know if he can do this anymore.
He keeps saying he feels humiliated and like he was just comfort to me while I was emotionally stuck on my ex. And honestly I understand why he feels hurt. I handled things badly and I take responsibility for that. But what hurts me is that he now thinks none of my feelings for him were real when they absolutely are real to me. I’m genuinely in love with him and want this relationship to work so badly.
We talked for hours and I tried explaining that the unresolved feelings at the start were more about me being emotionally messy and not processing my past correctly, not because he wasn’t enough. But I don’t think he fully believes me anymore.
Now he’s talking about maybe taking a break because he says he’s been feeling awful for months and doesn’t know what to do anymore. But at the same time he still acts loving towards me and still says he loves me, which makes me even more confused.
I genuinely can’t tell if this relationship is fixable or if we’re just hurting each other while still loving each other