I’m 23M and my fiancé is 22F. We live together with our 18 month old.
She studies and works full time, and I work casually around 3–4 shifts a week while also looking after our child most of the time when I’m not working. I also do a lot of the cleaning, cooking, and washing depending on my shifts.
My fiancé has anxiety/OCD around cleanliness and struggles to focus on uni unless the house feels in order. She also has chronic pain and is often exhausted, so I try to take on looking after the toddler and housework so she can rest when she gets home.
The issue is she often feels like I’m not doing enough. She says I don’t do small things that make her feel loved (like making her a drink, laying out pyjamas, etc.), and that I should already know what she needs without asking.
Last night she was very stressed about the house and uni. I tried to reassure and comfort her, but she got more upset and asked me to leave her alone. I stopped trying after a while because it was late and I had work early, but she later said I didn’t “fight for her” and didn’t care.
I genuinely do care and I’m trying my best, but I feel like nothing I do is enough. I also struggle with communication and memory sometimes, so I don’t always pick up what she needs without being told.
I’m just feeling stuck and unsure:
Am I missing something here? What do you do when someone wants comfort but also rejects it in the moment? And how do you make someone feel loved when they don’t feel the things you’re already doing count?