Hi! I am an 18 years old male and all my life i have felt different from other guy. i guess just childhood experiences shaped me into who i was later in life i mean i like girls but i have always been a very caring person and i get attached to people very easily. and not even in a romantic way just a platonic way. and i get really jealous and upset over simple things because i am very sensitive and constantly need reassurance due to my overthinking. but recently i met this guy who is the same age as me but we didn't instantly hit it off. from August to December we did barely spoke and he never once acknowledged me. yet he was always around me because i was friends with the girl he liked. but from January to today i have been hanging out with him and we have slowly built this bond. it was not at all easy getting to where i am today and there was many times when i wanted to give up but i decided to keep pushing because i really liked him and thought he was cool. but i cannot help but feel like i am not enough, like he is too good for me, and like i don’t matter to him because he does not treat me the same way he treats his friends. he is a funny playful person and i guess you could say i am more reserved and introverted but i also wouldn’t mind being playful if it was with one of my close friends. but he never once acts the same way he does with his other close friends that he has known for 2 years than with me. which is understandable because they have known each other for longer and the other guy(18M as well) is just a funnier and simpler guy to talk to. but my role throughout this friendship has been to simply listen to him as he talks about himself or how he feels. and whenever i did try to talk about myself or my situations i felt like he didn’t care which stung because i want him to care. i want him to be that person i can depend on. and it just really sucks because i let myself get close to him and convinced myself to open up because i thought he was actually gonna be a long term friend. but i cant help but feel this jealousy and worry because we are so different. for example, i find a lot of intimacy with my friends to the point where i have realized that being in a romantic relationship/having a girlfriend is not needed. it would be nice but simply having friends you are comfortable with is also enough. but he really wants to have a girlfriend and just someone he can be intimate with. someone who is there for him and can reciprocate his feelings. and althought i respect that, i can’t help but not understand it. because i can do all those things as a friend. i have been doing all those things for him. i’ve listened, i’ve let him know i truly care, i’ve shown that i am there and always supporting. obviously it wouldn’t be the same because he doesn’t like me in that way but in reality what is the difference? like currently he is heartbroken over this girl but me and her were so similar. and he even said it himself. so like why does he feel so sad that he lost whatever bond he had with her when i’m still here? when i treated him so much better because i'm actually a good friend. it’s just frustrating to see my efforts go down the drain and not be able to get anywhere. we have opened up to each other but that’s it. and he has made it clear that i am(or at least was) his priority, that he also really liked and cared about me, and that when he gets a girlfriend he wouldn’t stop talking to me it would just be a bit less. which is okay because it is understandable but can people really just throw away years of friendship for someone they are jus starting to get to know? i thought we were close but now i don't know where i stand. and unjust feel greedy because in anyone else’s eyes we already have a good friendship but in mine i feel like it’s bare minimum and i want more. i need more. i need and just want someone to be there for me like i am there for them.
how can i ask him that and let him know i want to be close/best friends without making it seem like i’m pressuring him or forcing the friendship? please help. and if you noticed anything from what i said please let me know or if you have more questions.