I’m sure how else to say this I apologize if it’s confusing.
Im indifferent to having sex. I don’t hate it but I also don’t really enjoy it.
I’ve done stuff with men and women, oral, anal and vaginal. Every time I do it I don’t really feel like I’m enjoying it and sometimes.
I used to have a gf and when we did things I often found myself getting bored or just not really turned on. I have a guy friend I do stuff with every month or so and he really enjoys it and I’m always pretending to.
Sometimes I genuinely don’t want to, I’ll avoid it or if we get into it I’ll do my best to get it over with quickly. Two times maybe I’ve actually enjoyed it but not from the stimulation more so the idea of it. But most of the time it’s not that I don’t enjoy it more so I just don’t really mind it but it’s not turning me on if that makes sense.
I like that my partner enjoys it and I’ll do it just for them but I feel bad when they want to please me and I just don’t get turned on.
I’m personally into clit stimulus, but I only do it with a vibrator. Whenever my partner tries using their hands to do it, it just hurts and doesn’t feel good. I don’t really want them to use the vibrator because it’s not a traditional one and I do it such a specific way.
I feel I tend to enjoy sex more in the form of fiction. I’m an artist so drawing, writing or porn is usually what I enjoy. I’ve been watching porn from a very young age so I worry I’ve rotted my brain with it. I was also sexually abused a few times as a child but I’m unsure if it has anything to do with this.
I’m not sure if this is some kind of asexual but I don’t like it. I want to want sex, I want to enjoy it. I like the passion of sex but I want to enjoy the stimulation too, I want to finish and satisfy my partner.
Has anyone had this issue or know how to fix it?
TLDR: I don’t dislike or enjoy sex not sure why. I want to enjoy it but I’m not sure how.