Throwaway account bc I’m embarrassed. So basically title… I’m still technically a virgin, I’ve done hand and mouth activities giving and receiving before, and I’ve engaged in penetration solo with toys and even when I’m really into it and craving that feeling I 9 times out of 10 start to get really really anxious and emotional and I cry? Which is… inconvenient. It’s been a bit unsettling for my bf at times too (we’re long distance so sometimes he’s involved over the phone) but he’s always very good about it and reassures me. For added insight, I became a victim of SA about a year and a half ago now, and it didn’t involve penetration thank god but that’s mostly because it got interrupted before it could reach that point, which I’m very grateful for. I’m not really sure why I have this reaction because the assault didn’t include that feeling/action, and other actions that occurred that I have since engaged in consensually with other partners have been much less difficult for the most part. Is there a biological component to this, or am I missing something? I’m worried that when my boyfriend and I stop being long distance in a few months it’s going to get in the way of our intimacy which is both worrying and annoying because I enjoy sexual activity for the most part. Any insight or advice is helpful, thanks very much.