Hi, Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
I’m 29F and have been married to my spouse, 34NB, for two years. We originally broke up in 2021 because they struggled with severe anger issues. At the time, neither of us realized they had a dissociative disorder. During that relationship, there were instances of emotional, mental, and occasionally physical abuse.
Recently, they grabbed me during an argument, and ever since then I’ve been randomly crying, shaking, and waking up with a huge lump in my throat. I feel constantly anxious and on edge. When it came up after the fact, they said we shouldn’t revert back to old patterns over one “isolated” incident, and that we have been through worse as a couple. there’s this constant feeling of walking on eggshells over the past year.
They keep telling me that I need to do the work with them so we can heal together, but honestly, I feel mentally and emotionally exhausted. It’s been five days for Christ sake. My body feels like it’s screaming at me to leave, and I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or finally acknowledging something I’ve been minimizing.
No matter what I say or how I respond, it feels like there’s never a “right” answer. I love them deeply, but I’m realizing love alone may not be enough to heal or sustain a relationship.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for here.
TLDR: My spouse grabbed me 5 days ago and I feel like maybe I'm overreacting to an isolated incident.