Hi,
My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1. We love each other and we have great communication. IMO, this strong communication applies to sex as well.
I have a significantly higher libido than her. If it were up to me, I would have sex at least once every day, but I recognize this is on the extreme end. She would probably be okay without having sex on a regular basis.
In the past, I have gotten more inwardly and outwardly sad after consecutive days of no sex. This feeling was almost an inherent reaction. I never try to coerce my wife or guilt my wife for not wanting to have sex. I know she can't help her lower libido, and I don't want to make her feel bad about it. We have discussed this topic a lot.
We have compromised and have sex frequently, probably 3-4 a week on average. I initiate a little more than her, but I have told her it is important to me that she initiates too, which she does. She compromises and meets my needs often. I recognize and am genuinely grateful for this.
I try to reciprocate her efforts. If she is tired or had a rough day, I prioritize her rest. We still have lots of quality time on days we don't sleep together. If necessary, I will take care of myself. When this happens, a part of me still can't help being disappointed after 2 or 3 days of no sex. Despite being disappointed, I feel like I am coping with it okay. I want to believe this is normal.
What is rough is that my wife picks up on my disappointment, and it makes her feel guilty / sad. I am generally accepting that even if sex isn't happening now, it will happen on a close date, and that's enough to tide me over. But she can still tell that I am disappointed, which makes her bad. And then I feel bad about making her sad!
I don't feel as sad about this as I did in the past, but my wife can still tell I am affected. (She says I am sad, even though the primary thing I feel is disappointment).
Does anybody have any tips to not be inwardly / outwardly disappointed or sad about this? I don't want her to feel like she has to sleep with me at least every other day to avoid sadness on my end. It also feels "wrong" on my end to be disappointed when I understand she is already doing a lot to meet me.
Some other context: we both work full time. She is currently working a more stressful job than me. I try to help as much as I can around our apartment and probably do >50% of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. I'm happy to do this, because I generally have more energy / free time than her.