My fiance and I talked about getting engaged this year so I knew it was coming. I never had a dream proposal in mind, just a few thing I absolutely did not want (like, at home on the couch on a different special occasion, etc…). I always said, I just want something that shows he knows me and cared to plan this and then it would be perfect no matter what.
At first he was so excited and had so many ideas (at least, that's what my friend told me because he was running things by her) but many ideas fell thrugh for one reason or another and he started to really stress himself out over it. I told him to take it slow because he kept coming back to these huge and insanely expensive ideas and I told him that I don't need these huge gestures, because that is just not me, and I thought giving him a few ideas might help to point him in a good direction (booking a private tour through our opera house, going to this candle light concert where they light 1000 candles, booking a fantasy photoshoot for me and turning it into an engagement shoot, etc…).
It was my birthday recently an for my birthday, I wished to go to this burlesque and dinner show. Basically, you have a 4 course meal and between each course you have the show parts. The show was amazing, the performers were stunning and I could go on and on how much I loved the show. And after dessert, before the last show, he got down on one knee and proposed.
I always thought I would cry and just repeat yes over and over again but I was so surprised, everything felt surreal and I hate to admit it, but I felt so dissapointed in that moment. Because I was the one that suggested the show. It was my birthday present so it wasn't even it's own thing and one of the few things I requested was that I don't want it tied to any other occasion, especially not my birthday (brothers birthday is so close to mine, we never got to celebrate independently which is why I am big on separating special occasions). Also, I was the one that made the reservation and booked everything and he didn't even look up what we were going to do because he was super surprised when the performers started taking their clothes off. He later told me that he only made the decision the night before because he thought we were already dressed nicely and it would be a good opportunity.
At first I thought it was no big deal. But then my friend told me about all the other suggestions he made (that would have been so thoughtfull and perfect) and people keep asking how he proposed and I'm trying so hard to be positive about it but the short version is "He took something that I planned for my birthday and turned it into a proposal. Also, there were half naked women everywhere."
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible and ungratefull and part of me is thinking that I should just get over it because at the end of the day, we love eachother and we are getting married and that should be the only thing that matters. But even though people will all know and stop asking eventually, I still have a couple of times ahead where I will have to answer that question and I can just feel my body tense up and my face freeze and I hear my voice getting this disingenuous tone when they asked if it was what I wanted. And I don't think he notices, bit I notice that every time I tell the story, it gets garder and harder to ignore that feeling.
So I'm unsure what to do. I know telling him that I was dissapointed would make him really really sad and I don't want that, but I feel like I might soon reach a point where, if one more person asks me how he proposed and if it was the happiest moment of my life, I will just start crying and if that happened, that would be even worse. I am in desperate need of some outside perspective, please!