I've recently started dating a wonderful woman who has had her share of setbacks in life.
We bond over excellent communication between each other, whenever something bothers us or we think of something nice, we share it. We've only known each other for a short period, but both agree that it feels like much longer.
She happens to have a chronic inflammation of her bowels, which is not curable and mostly triggered by stress.
We both have autism, which is good for our communication, but doesn't help much for functioning in daily life amongst neurotypical people and expectations.
She drinks a lot of coffee, I don't. Somehow that doesn't bother me at all. I guess because it's more socially accepted.
She also smokes a lot of ciggarettes. Due to self admitted addiction from dealing with stress and learning how to smoke from her teen years with friends and family.
She's already tried to quit multiple times in the past, but fell back into the habit after stress and waves of heavy illness from her chronic disease were, understandably, too much to deal with.
Overall, she has pretty low energy, but manages well given her circumstances.
From my end, I want the best for her. I've noticed I grew anxious when I saw her coughing or struggling with things that are physically easy for me.
I noticed I was portraying my fear, of her becoming ill, on the ciggarettes.
We talked about the dynamic and how it's frustrating for her.
I did some self reflection and realised what I wrote above, that my fear comes mostly from a wish to see her healthy.
However, she will be the happiest in life, when she can be fully herself, including her stress reducing habit. I also want to admit that I'm no saint myself, I've had my share of other addictions in the past.
So now it comes down to me showing her, that I can accept her for who she is, flaws (<= I don't like this word in this context, but don't know a better one) included.
My idea was finding something like a fake cigarette that I can "lit" when she wants to smoke, so she doesn't have to feel as embarassed (she also has social anxiety), and both supported.
I don't know what my options are for showing her my support, without smoking myself. I don't want to start smoking, but still show her that I'm by her side, despite things something that feels shameful and frustrating for her.
Thanks for reading my post, any tips are appreciated!
TLDR; my girlfriend smokes, and I'm looking for a way to support her without smoking myself