My (29F) boyfriend (37M) broke up with his ex girlfriend two years ago because she didn’t want children. They were together for four years. She rescued a dog a few years before they got together and he helped take care of the dog while they were together. When they broke up he still saw the dog about once a month, and helped out in an emergency situation when the dog needed to go to the ER. The amount he’s seen the dog had slowly gone down since they broke up, and now is once every couple months. He had the option of switching off taking the dog when they broke up, but declined it because he wanted to live with friends instead, and they were allergic.
Fast forward to now, the dog had cancer and will eventually need to be put down. The ex promised for awhile that he could be there when the dog was put down, and two months ago changed her mind staying that she only wants people who are in the dogs daily life to be there when the dog passes away. My boyfriend is naturally very upset by this. He tried talking to her, and she shut it down saying she made up her mind and if he continues pushing she’ll revoke his ability to see the dog completely because fighting is too much stress when her dog is dying.
My boyfriend still wants to try and convince his ex she owes it to him to be there. I think an apology is warranted from her to repair their relationship, though that it’s ultimately her decision because the dog became solely her dog again when he broke up with her and then declined to switch off caretaking.
Last night the topic came up again, and I stated that I think instead of trying to force her to change her mind, he should feel his anger and grief and try expressing again what it means for him to be there. He pushed back, and I told him I understand his ex’s stance here and think pushing is selfish. He stopped being the dog’s dad when they broke up and he declined split care. I said that because it didn’t seem to sink in otherwise. That did, and he took it well, though I feel like an asshole being that direct. It also doesn’t feel like anything else would’ve broken the cognitive dissonance he had going on.
I’m wondering if I should apologize?