I (24F) feel grossed out when people touch me romantically. I hate a kiss on the cheek by my romantic partner, and don’t even get me started on sex. But somehow I didn't hate it if I was the one touching myself (masturbating). I am traditional but I did learn how to pleasure myself and understand my weak spots, also learn my kinks and interests along with what I disliked in a sexual act in the hope that if my romantic partner wants to know what I like to do in bed I can easily tell them and be prepared.
This is weird and I dunno why.. Does anyone ever have this experience? Honestly, it is confusing for me cause I dunno what to do and I have a bf (29M) and he is nice. I really like him and I want to give him a chance, but I kept sabotaging myself..
Fyi I came from a religious background, my bf is only like 4 years older than me and is sweet even though we are only 6 months in dating, and I am a bit traditional (I didn’t want to have sex before marriage). Also, I have an…unpleasant memory of COCSA and it is like more than a decade ago and I try to make peace with it.
Does this seem like a mental or mindset problem? What do you guys think?