Am I being dense and insensitive, 0 empathy when I feel annoyed about my best friend keep complaining about their life, texting me negative stuffs like how they went to therapy and things happened, hospitals photos due to anemia,… every single time I post sth about me having fun time, like they don't text random day, but have to whine on my Bday, good grade, university acceptance,… Before going to uni, I actually calmed them down every messages but uni got me really low with anxiety attacks and I was at my lowest, when I reached to them, they left me on seen, or not even try to read shits. I was mad after I recovered myself ig and felt unfair when I was always there for them but not the opposite, I just decided to just to have small chat and that's it. They kept doing the same thing again and again and even wanting to commit (yk), I was scared to lose them and had to care about them again, but it just keeps sucking my energy and I'm drowning in the negative thoughts again.
We've been separated for too long our personalities don't match each others like they used to. I don't want to lose a long term friend but it's the negativity that's sucking my life and I feel so tired and might go insane at some points. They have their weekly or monthly therapy (Bipolar diagnosed) but I don't, I can't afford it and the last time I went to my family doctor gave her my journal, thinking she just told me it's normal human thing and some kids just wanna be special to grab attention undiagnosed ( I have met people like this but I felt embarrassed and not wanting to seek therapy or mental help beside coping with cheaper options like bed rots, stress eating, distance my self from everyone thinking they either r using me or hate me)
What do I do? We both have our own problems as early adults but I feel guilty and annoyed at the same time