Update: he’s doing the dishes & just changed the baby’s diaper which isn’t unusual but I think he knows he was out of order earlier on today..lol
No one besides my husband says “I just need you to listen” “you don’t listen”. He let me know we had a dip in our savings bc he made A purchase for the home. He’s the breadwinner. He’s told me in the past that he doesn’t like to be asked questions that he wants statements. So, I said “I think we should go to a financial advisor” what I wanted to do was ask “how much was the purchase?” But knowing he doesn’t want to be asked questions, I did the math in my head & I THOUGHT that we could’ve avoided such a large purchase if we just took time to sort things out. I wanted to say that. He said “you don’t listen” we keep hitting this same wall over and over. He said I should wait 2 mins in conversation after he says something, pause, repeat back to him what he said. Then ask “is there anything else?” Before I respond. I don’t naturally do that and I don’t have discernment about how or when to use that skill. I feel he’s being too particular but I’m beginning to think I’m the problem for not changing to his communication style.
I’m probably judgmental but I think he sometimes makes impulsive decisions. He wants to be “the man” and make all the decisions and not talk through things or prepare for things. He wants to be “spontaneous and just get up & go”. For ex. He said “get dressed” one Saturday. I don’t get out the house much & I don’t have my drivers license so it’s nice to get out & he’ll usually find a place to eat and or just to go see something new. I’m grateful for that! However ..I’m 30 wks pregnant and he didn’t say where we were going. Our toddler hadn’t eaten lunch yet either. It turned out to be a hike in a rainy area with mud , inclines, etc. I wore clean shoes & flowy linen pants. We also didn’t have a carrier for our son but he held him. I was pissed & didn’t hide it on my expression but I continued the hike before we got in an argument for me not walking next to him and I just stopped.
I appreciate him taking care of finances. I appreciate him taking care of his family. He’s a great dad & husband. I just want to know what’s going on & to know we can discuss things. Not me just hear about it after or find out in the middle of it. Is that too much to ask? Am I ungrateful? Am I a poor listener? After these arguments I’m often convinced that I’m either not cut out for this or I’m just not changing because I’m selfish.