I (23F) have very few dating experience. When it comes to dating I have few boundaries: I want to have sex after we are in relationships (so we are bf and gf) and I also kinda have deadline or time frame when I feel comfortable for us to decide we want to be in relationships. For me, if we see each other 2-3 times a week and text a bit inbetween, it’s 1,5-2 months. I think big part of it is that I havent been in relationships (and I’ve also only had sex once) and it’s really important for me now to have this full experience or falling in love, dating, starting relationships, trusting the person, then having sex. And I want to be able to say about my luck of experience, to have a right context for it you know.
But I don’t like how I feel after communicating it. Before that I said it twice to guys I’ve been dating and both time after I felt like I created some sort of pressure and put myself in position lower then a man, like I’m now waiting for him yk or beeing needy and not secure. So I said like „I only want sex in relationships „ and constantly felt like I’m pressuring the man to start relationship. and same I felt when I said to a guy that I won’t wait longer than 3 months to commit. Like yes, I said what I want, but at the same time I don’t like that I do it. I kill the lightness and naturalness of connection. And I can imagine not pronouncing the deadline but the sex thing?
I really don’t like that dinamic and I’m afraid to say such thing cause they kill the flow. At the same time I probably need to say that? My theory (only theory since I’ve only dated 2 men) is that with the right person you don’t have to communicate this things or think about them cause everything will flow itself and feels right, and maybe you’ll just have to mention that „I don’t like to hurry up with sex„?
At the same time I don’t want to be this convenient girl that wants nothing, needs nothing.
What do you think guys?