I'm in a bit of a pickle. Since 2018 I've been in 2 long term relationships with about 6 months between them. Both moved fast and lasted years. I broke up with my most recent ex about a month ago.
Last week I matched with a girl on a hookup app. She was upfront — she'd been having terrible experiences with guys who treated her like meat, sex had been disappointing, and she was frustrated. She just wanted something good for once.
We agreed to meet for a drink first, just a vibe check, no expectations. I genuinely just wanted to meet her because we had similar interests and she's gorgeous. No pressure on either side.
We immediately hit it off. After the drink we walked around looking for food, made out a little on the street, stumbled on a bar doing a comedy night. We got food, came back, and had an amazing time. But it felt like a real date — deep conversations, talking about international travel, holding hands, her kissing me on the cheek unprompted between comedian sets.
A couple nights later we got a hotel. Great time. She said she wants me to herself and deleted the app. I did too. We've seen each other 3 times in the first 4 days.
But here's the thing — she's framed this as casual from the start. "Not looking for anything serious." "For now." And I get it, she's been burned. But the way she shows up doesn't feel casual. The way she stares at me, the travel plans, the exclusivity, the "baby" talk — it doesn't read like someone who just wants a hookup partner.
I'm not trying to lock her down or put pressure on anything. We're still learning each other. But I'm holding real feelings in and I don't know if that's the right move or if I should just say "hey, I like you, I think you like me — can I open up a little or is this going to run its course soon?"
For now I'm enjoying the ride. But I'm curious how other guys navigate this. How do you show up in a casual situation when it starts feeling like more? Do you say something or let it develop?
Edit: Well… That didn't take long.. turns out she's a bipolar feminist. I think I made this post like 3 hours ago and I'm pretty sure the relationship with this girl just imploded. When we were at the hotel, after sex, I basically asked her if she had other guys lined up because I was trying to know if we needed to wear protection and keep getting tested. She told me no — that all the guys she had been matching with were gross and just see her as a piece of meat. Turns out she took my question as "are you going to delete your app and stop seeing other guys now?". So she texted me days later that she deleted the app, I replied "oh yeah? Me too" and she responded with "yeah, I think I found what I need for now". Then, she starts calling me Babe and Baby and Hun, and I was playfully like "careful with that, that's how feelings start" and she had a full on panic attack over text.