Posting to see if anyone relates to this. please don't be harsh, I don't like this trait of mine, that's why I'm posting.
I've noticed that I do this sometimes (38f). When I meet someone and it makes logical sense and he seems interested, but my feelings don't align. Then I start gaslighting myself to try and find a logical explanation as to why this won't work. I make excuses for the other person, because deep down I feel guilty to say no to a "perfectly good match".
It is as though I'm not trusting my instincts as much as I trust my logic, especially when the other person seems genuinely interested. It could also be that it's so rare for me to find an emotional connection, that I've started to somehow convince myself that it's not a necessary thing for a healthy relationship. As in, if he is emotionally invested and as long as other aspects are solid (physical attraction and intellectual/cultural compatibility etc) then that's enough. It's confusing because I'm generally not a people pleaser in life, but I feel extremely guilty to let someone down when feelings are involved. So that might be the reason.
Does anyone relate to this? Do you sometimes try (or have you ever tried) to bypass your feelings using logic? If yes, thoughts?
p.s. to clarify, I don't string people along, I'm terrified of this, so when this happens, I do tell them very honestly that something is missing for me. It is then up to them to decide if they'd want to give it more time or to move on.
Edit to add: the title should have said gaslight "myself" not yourself, sorry!