My boyfriend of 7 years (32M) and I (28F) are in the process of moving into our own apartment. We have been living with another couple in a house for the past 5 years which has allowed for me to save a fair amount of money. I also have always saved since I was a kid and would get birthday money as well as during the pandemic. I've tried many times to help him save money, budget, etc, but he has ADHD and is unable to keep it up for long.
Tonight, I made the mistake of showing him my savings account and he immediately shut down and got upset. He actually started crying at the restaurant during our dinner. It made me feel really awkward and bad, and I know he is mostly upset at himself for not managing his money better, but it feels a little personal. He kept asking me "How did you save that much?" and "I don't get how you have so much and I have so little," acting as if I have done something wrong. For reference, we split rent, utilities, food, and most expenses 50/50, and we make around the same amount (I used to make less than him but have consistently gotten little raises the past few years while his wages have stagnated). It is making me feel weird and kind of guilty even though it's objectively a good thing that at least one of us has an emergency fund.
I guess I am just wondering what you would do in the situation and how I can help him? I really regret being open with him about my financial situation which sucks since we have been dating since I was 21 and I have known him since I was 19. I am a very detail oriented person and he is not. Since we are moving into a place with just the two of us, and it will be more expensive, I am worried that this strain will only get worse.
TLDR: My bf (32M) and I (28F) split expenses 50/50 and I have been able to save more money than him. I've tried many times to help him save money, budget, etc, but he is unable to keep it up for long. He got upset when he realized how much money I have compared to him and now it's awkward. We are moving into a more expensive apartment and I am worried the strain will get worse. What can I do to help him feel better and save more?
Update (5/17/26): Thank you everyone for the mostly constructive and empathetic advice!! I have a lot to consider and realize I need to get serious about what I want my future to look like, especially if we were to have kids at some point. One other thing I learned this weekend was that he had over $1000 in parking tickets that he paid off this Friday in order to get his overdue registration for his car. :/
After my boyfriend and I got home from dinner, he said he wants to budget again and figure out a set amount of money to save per month. We also discussed how he should look for a new job if he does not get a raise soon and he is going to work on getting a certificate that will help him advance his career. He has been putting off the certificate for a while now. He has a really hard time with task initiation and impulse control especially if it's not part of his normal routine which is why I mentioned his ADHD.
He told me he was crying bc he is tired of being poor his whole life, not bc I have a fair amount of money saved. And contrary to what some folks are projecting onto him, he is not a manipulative person nor someone who feels okay using someone else for money lol. We went out today, for instance, and he bought me dinner and paid for parking since I paid last time.