I (F30) gave up my rental and belongings 4 months ago to move in with my partner (M32) after being in a relationship for one year. We both had a lot of baggage to navigate when we started the relationship (e.g childhood trauma, previous relationships, etc.) which admittedly, has been problematic in the relationship when it comes to conflict and we've reached a point of being quite toxic. He has decided that the only way to repair is for me to move out while we work on things. For me personally, moving out and continuing the relationship is not an option. I made a massive commitment to give up my independence to start a life together, and being asked to move out and start all over again, to then eventually move back in when he deems it fit to do so feels quite cruel.
I have offered alternative solutions such as couples counselling to support us in developing strategies to navigate conflict in a healthier manner; however, he has only agreed to counselling once I move out. I have suggested that I stay with family for a week or two to give us some space to breathe and break the cycle; however, he wants me to completely move out and stay with family for months, and stated he can't guarantee he will want me back in the house within a few months and most likely won't want me to move back in anytime soon.
For me personally, being kicked out is more damaging for the relationship than the actual issues we're having. I don't want to stay with family for months on end without any clear timeframe, as having stability is incredibly important for my well-being. If I find another rental and start over again, I don't want to go back to the way things were before I moved in, which was essentially me paying rent for a house to keep my belongings in, and going back and forth between two houses. I need routine and structure to thrive, and this had me constantly scattered. If I'm forced to move out and start over again, I can't see myself ever trusting him enough to move back in, especially after being kicked out 4 months after giving up my stability and independence to move in, and living separately in a long-term relationship isn't what I want for myself long-term.
I've told him that if he's not willing to find a solution that works for us both and is firm on me moving out, that we cannot continue the relationship and will need to go our separate ways. In response, he's claiming I'm trying to emotionally manipulate him to get my way and has stated several times that I'm the one "quitting" on us. I honestly believe he thinks that I will come around and agree to continue the relationship on his terms.
I'm not sure where to go from here. We keep having the same argument on a daily basis, which is essentially me trying to find an alternative solution and him telling me he's not going to his mind. I don't want to break up, but I know deep to my core that if I stay in the relationship, it will be at the cost of my emotional and physical stability. I know that I will constantly resent him for this and it will likely create more toxicity, and prevent any meaningful change in terms of the actual issues that led us to be in this position.
He's given me until the weekend to move out (this has been ongoing for about a month now). Logically, I know that I just need to move on with it, organise housing, and accept the relationship is over; however, emotionally, I can't accept this and I'm in a state of paralysis, unable to action anything.
Has anyone experienced similar circumstances? How did this play out for you? Please feel free to comment any form of advice or encouragement on how I can possibly move forward from this.