At the beginning please have mercy on my English, I’m not the proudest person about it – I’m not a native speaker.
Me and my fiance are highschool sweethearts. I was her first guy with sexual contact. She was my first to have penetration with. Tbh in the beginning I thought we are very sexually compatible and we were exploring each other. But as time went on I started feeling anxiety about my performance more and more – especially past 1 or 2 years. I feel like she never had an orgasm with me. Not from fingering, licking etc. ( I ain’t even gonna mention penetration). She also said that there were maybe two occasions where she masturbated with a toy and felt something but couldn’t specify if it actually was any orgasm. I tried many ways, many different techniques. She rarely actually gives me any hints on what she wants, so I’m kind of in the dark. I also am unsure whether how usually women are when it comes to feeling pleasure (are the loud or not etc.).
Then there comes my anxiety. I constantly question myself after sex if I’m large enough or if I’m at good angle, if I’m not doing something right. What she keeps saying is that I’m worrying too much. But then I hear her talk with her friends about how their sex lives are and her friends have some vivid details while my fiancé usually sticks to saying that she loves me in bed.
Also I keep killing myself over the fact that the one position where she actually loses her mind is so overwhelming for my senses that I can barely hold out for more than a minute, sometimes less.
Also when I hear her moan I struggle with self control so much. I just don’t know what to think and do.
It’s not that I’m going over sex and trying some performance but after sex I tend to kill myself in my head over what I could have done to make it better/longer. How could I include her more etc.
I don’t know if she avoids talking about sex to me because whenever I bring this up she says that I’m fine and just slowly changes the topic to some other conversation.
And yeah I know this post seems like I’m obsessive over this but it’s genuinely what I’m feeling straight away after sex and that’s what I want to focus on here.