This girl is really famous with around 120k followers on instagram. I have known her for a year now. I have seen her through her breakup, and consoled her it's been almost gonna be a year for her breakup too. We met online and I never had a thing for her but she asked me out suddenly to go somewhere and I agreed cause we did talked enough and were really great friends ig. We had fun it was a event so she came and my friends were there too. She asked me 2 times after that out to eat and have fun. I feel in love how she cared for me genuinely and how even in crowds she used to call out my name and make my presence notice in a crowd. Even the first time we met she literally used her dupatta to blow my sweat away for a minute even my friends were like what is going on but I didn't thought much about it.
Now around 5 months after her breakup I fell for her really hard and confessed to her after we went to watch Zootopia 2 and lunch on Christmas Eve. I didn't confessed there but after a few days after the eve on text. After that we had a lot of ups and down and she always said she never expected it and she is not looking to date anyone and I am her homeboy and she cannot lose me, we fought a lot cause ofc I was in love with her and I needed reassurance. But we got along went out a few times and the last meeting was magical. NOTE here that it is really open between us that I am in love with her no matter what she says and she is okay with that, So after watching this horror movie we shared a shirt as a blanket and sat really close. After that we went to eat somewhere and during the ride I was sleepy so she said I can sleep on her shoulder and its okay, and I did. Now it was not a normal sleep she had one of her arms on my cheek all the time to care for me like a little baby so my head dosen't jump. After eating, we decided to walk to the metro station, and she was like if its really far you will have to carry me to the station with piggy back ride. I was like okay I will get on me and she did. I carried her all the way there around 1.5kms. She had grabbed me tightly and said its okay you can grab me if you want to comfortably just make sure you are comfortable, and all the time for 30 mins, she had her cheek against mine rubbing all the time. We took 2 breaks of 2 mins, the first break she literally blowed on my sweat from behind with her mouth really close and tried massaging my traps, I was like these are not being used lats are so she massages my lats, the next break she wipes my sweat with the shirt so cutely, during the ride we listened to songs and talked, I am really so introvert and did not cared for the first time ever if people were watching at all. She was also like that during that time and was like people would be like these guys are cringe but happy lol. People kept watching and laughing but we did not cared at all. Now parting ways at the station, I was sorry for a thing so I wrapped one arm around her had my head on her shoulder while sitting while grabbing her hand with the other hand and saying sorry for things and i felt comfort in that for like 2 mins she didnt said anything and consoled me. After that we were going for a handshake, I opened my arms for a hug and she was like okay get your hugs, we hugged really really tight no awkwardness, her metro came and I got off her she was like you can hug me more if you want and metro went and she caught the next one ofc I hugged her tightly. Now she sends me a reel getting home saying how this reel of from me to you anime reminded me of you and the piggy ride and the hugs and it gave me butterflies. After 2 or 3 days we got to talking, she was back in her tsundere phase, and I asked for clarity she said we are good friends, and I was like I told you not to meet me as a friend cause I will fall for you even harder and it makes it really hard for me right now after we did all this, and she says I am not looking to date, and that is how she treats all her friends. I am so tired, it's been 5 months since I confessed now, she has kept me hanging and I thought something was happening but why is she saying this, after all this we had a fight and first I decided that I needed some space, but she gets me talking to say now she won't text cause I do not value her friendship ( girl I carried you one and a half km and I have never done this for any of my girl friends ever).
It's been a week of not talking to her now. I am really sad and confused.