I '39M' met a really cool person '26F' a couple months ago at my local climbing gym. We were just there at the same random time looking for a climbing partner. Fast forward 2 months and we had developed a relatively close friendship given the amount of time we've know eachother.
A couple weeks ago after some random texts outside of our normal "making plans" texts, she asked if I wanted to get ice cream with her. This was the first time we'd hung out outside of the gym. She drove me home and asked if I wanted to kiss. I was completely caught off guard because I had the biggest crush on her, but wasn't planning on making a move with the risk of it negatively impacting our awesome friendship. Turns out it was mutual. The last 2 weeks have felt like a dream.
The transition from platonic friends to lovers was pretty rapid, but we both seemed on board with it. She mentioned last night that she had a meltdown tuesday(the day after we had gone on dates consecutive nights), and had felt very avoidant and overwhelmed. I had noticed a shift in texting that day, but didn't read too much into it. Anyway, we talked a lot about balancing time spent and texting frequency. In bed, she said she told me about Tuesday because she wanted me to understand her and how she had been feeling. She also told me she really likes me. She's getting her masters in therapy and goes to therapy regularly so that feels somewhat promising to me as she is focused on self-growth. She's very aware of the avoidance tendencies especially with being critical after the initial wave.
I want to give this a shot, but am wary of push-pull dynamics. I feel pretty secure, but don't enjoy relationships with avoidants who aren't self-aware enough to examine themselves . She seems to be, so is this different? Can people work through unhealthy attachment tendencies if they're in an active relationship? How can I support her and encourage healthy communication without overwhelming her?
She told me she prefers to text only to make plans and occasional intentional updates. She's gone for 2 weeks on a trip, and I told her I wasn't gonna text her while she's away(she'll be busy). She seemed a little bummed and suggested we text every 3 days. I suggested not creating parameters and that we can just text more thoughtfully when we feel like texting. She said she likes rules, but "ok". I personally don't like rules because they create expectations and that can get messy. I feel like that's a good compromise though- giving her space, while also not conforming to an arbitrary contact timeline, but i'm curious if this seems petty to others. Can rules be helpful? I've never had explicit rules in a relationship and it seems weird to me.