I have been 'looking' to date since a breakup just over a year ago. Granted of only gone on about 5 dates in that time, and only one lasted more than a few hookups (2-3 months? it as established to be fwb).
But I have been actively looking an unhealthy amount. I would think my hinge screen/check time would be multiple times an hour. I have had 100s of matches and conversations even though my actual physical date count is much much lower.
I haven't really felt like this before. I was single from 29-32. 32 felt young, young enough anyway. But taking a break now at 34? I keep having moments where I find myself grieving the fact that I don't have an established, long term relationship for this period of my life.
A weird grief of not being experiencing my wedding day younger, or most likely not having a kid in my 30s. Hmmm, those two things less so, but still there.
I haven't had any majorly positive experiences with therapy in the past but I plan on starting very soon because this is desperate feeling of finding someone is becoming obsessive. I have no problem getting dates, but huge problems finding someone.
Edit: it's currently the 1am day after my birthday. I had a great day btw. I'll respond to these posts in the morning. How anyone made sense of my post is beyond me.