I'm in the process of joining the army and they assigned me a health profile score too low to do the job I wanted to do. I'm trying to get that score raised by submitting more documents about my health but it's not guaranteed that they'll ever raise it and I may never be able to do the job I want, so I'm now having second thoughts about the army.
Meanwhile, I had to move far away from home to begin the process and this took a massive toll on my 3½ year long relationship. It was a really nice relationship the whole way through apart from the final 3 months, where we broke up. In that time we were arguing a lot because of the uncertainty of the situation causing her lots of anxiety which made me withdraw, which in turn made her more sad.
She told me she thinks we should stay broken up (at least for now) because we both need space to heal. However, she has also been telling me things like how she wishes she could hug me or how she wishes we were with eachother, even that she wishes we could have sex again. But when I ask her if she would commit to me when she comes around to wanting a relationship again, she tells me she doesn't know and is overwhelmed, despite still having feelings for me.
I get the feeling that she's confused from all the emotions and is keeping me there because she has feelings for me and likes the emotional connection, but does not want to commit to me.
With that being said: what is my way forward here?
Do I wait, far from home for an indeterminate amount of time, for the army to MAYBE raise my health score to a level where I can do the job I want?
Or I come back home and pick up my job where I left off? Id be living with my parents who live quite remote so socialising will be difficult as a young person.
Regarding her: what is the best approach? I obviously want her back, but she isn't ready, and can't tell me that she'll want to be together again.
Maybe if I am there and sustainable when she comes around she will want to come back.
Appreciate you having read this far. Thanks.
TL;DR: want to get into army, lost relationship because of it. Army is no longer certain, may move back home. Ex doesn't know if she can commit to me and wants to be alone for now because of hurt. We had a lovely relationship and if not for the distance we would be together still, so I really want her back. Not sure what the best way to go about that is, also regarding my life choices.