Please bear with me as English is not my first language and I tend to think faster than to my typing skills, as also with the lengthy post.
I (30M) have been on a ongoing metal health depression for the past 6 years. Over the years I neglect and accepted help, but mostly neglected.
My wife (26F) and I have 3 kids together and are the best of our world. Our early relationship was great, I was getting out the service, we hung out a lot in CA and I actually cared. At one point though, I remember going through her phone on SC, reading that she wanted to F someone again (we were dating at that time). I confronted her, she broke down, validated what she did, and promised she wouldn’t do it again. Took me a while to gain trust again, but managed. Months later, I moved to my hometown where things were good, my metal health took a major toll. From actually family issues to me almost cheated on my wife (when her Gma passed from Covid and while my premature baby was born. I developed aggression, numbness, neglect and became a “couch potato”. The transition of getting out the service was extremely hard, hence the reasons for the things I did. I wanted to feel like my old self again, happy.
We tried couples therapy but only went like two times because I didn’t want to continue. I was going to individual therapy which helped, but I did not take any medications. More life issues has happened afterwards, between my side of my family and my wife. I am a people pleaser so I tried being neutral but my wife felt like she was getting the raw end of the stick and was siding more toward my family than her.
Years later, we moved back closer to the West Coast, from my decision, thinking it was going to get better; but my wife disliked it. The relation was still rocky but pretty solid, I managed to get better help by following through therapy (individually), getting on medications.
Couple months later, stopped taking the medication cause I was seeing/feeling improvements. I did not realize I was reverting back to a state of major depression, anxiety, aggression (nothing physical or mentally), numbness, laziness. My wife has brought up these issues but I neglected it for months.
Fast forward, This past Mother’s Day weekend was not the best. I took them out on Saturday, hung out, kids running around, but my wife was getting overstimulated because the kids were loud and running around almost bumping into things. So we got something to eat and went home. Sunday morning, I don’t know why I was such a in a crappy mood, like I don’t remember why, but the whole day, I neglected the day, barely said happy Mother’s Day.
This morning, I was going to through my wife’s phone cause something didn’t sit well for me. I noticed SC deleted, I thought she was taking a break from it, but I downloaded it anyways. Still logged in, I go into a strangers chat. Turns out she added him that same Saturday we went out, the next day, having inappropriate conversations, about missing each other, and questioning my wife whether she was naked cause she took a photo of her face while in the shower. I confronted her about it and validated what she did but does not regret it. She stated if only I have given her the affection she needed and feel wanted, this wouldn’t have happened. I acknowledge, but doesn’t give her the reason to do what she did, stating feels completely numb. I finally made an appointment for couples therapy next Thursday.
I promise I’m not looking for sympathy or being told I’m wrong, I know im very wrong for a lot of things. I’m just unsure on what to do. I like to improve again, I have an appointment for myself for mental health, canceled some major plans that were coming up. She has spoken her community which is great, but I just don’t have that type of community yet or someone to be able to reach. Maybe because I feel shame from all the wrong I did with the possibility of a divorce. I just need advice, hear from someone that had gone through something similar and recovered. My wife brought cooperating and have time to self reflect while being separated.