I've been thinking on this for a long time now, I'm just looking for some practical advice or support from others who may have been in a similiar situation, whether you were the one who broke up with your partner, or were on the receiving end of a breakup.
So here is my story, I'll try and keep things as concise as possible.
We got together in our early twenties, got pretty serious after finding common ground in 1) not wanting kids and 2) wanting to travel while we are young. We were also just having a lot of fun together at that time.
Time goes on, honeymoon phase ends, eventually move in together as we lived quite far apart. Things are quiet, but good. Sex is infrequent due to her mental health, she says there's nothing we can do about that – I accept this.
Around last year I start to see my friends in their relationships and I can't help but compare them to my own. 'They look so much happier'. I realize that my love for my partner has dwindled. I try to fix things, be more romantic and make more of an effort but I've come to realize now this might just be a compatability issue. She doesn't want to do anything with me anymore, go for walks, cycles, watch a movie? Nothing.. She often would rather play videogames on her own and scroll Instagram. I understand it's due to her mental health, I have been very understanding and sincerely grateful anytime she does have the energy to do things with me. But it's been 3-4 years now and I fear it will not get better.
I mentioned what brought us together earlier. The dream to travel and also not wanting to have kids. We've had discussions about this and we no longer agree on either. She wants a comfortable and stable home, and does not desire to travel medium/long term anymore. Whereas I have been making my travel plans and will soon leave for a couple months.
Then when it comes to kids, I realized last year that I might actually want to start a family after all.
So the foundational ideas that brought us together so early on are no longer there. And while that doesn't seem to bother her, I can't sleep at night thinking I am wasting both of our precious time staying in this relationship.
The difficult thing about leaving is that she is such a wonderful, lovely and caring person when she has the energy for it. I genuinely fear that nobody would love me like she does again. And while that might be a self confidence issue – I still find it extremely stressful to bring up a conversation about breaking up and have been putting it off for a few weeks now.
I will be leaving to travel in the next few months, I think it might be a good opportunity for a fresh start? I could find myself again outside of a relationship. I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement or advice? Maybe I'm being an asshole about this entire thing, if so please let me know! Thanks.
Edit:
tldr: I think I have grown incompatible with my long-term partner (different goals, emotional distance, no shared lifestyle anymore) and I'm wondering if ending the relationship is the right move despite still caring deeply about her.