I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for about [2 years]. Before we started dating, we were friends, and during that time he had a habit of pushing me away by saying hurtful things.
A lot of it was framed as “jokes” or banter, but it actually affected me. He would call me “flat” and say I had “skill issues” because I couldn’t drive or play instruments. It wasn’t constant, but it happened enough that it stuck with me, especially because those were already my insecurities.
Over time, I internalized it. It genuinely shaped how I saw myself.
Ironically, I ended up working on those things. I learned guitar, practiced more, and people around me now say I have a nice voice. So I’ve grown, but I don’t feel good about the way it started.
Now that we’re in a relationship, he’s changed a lot. He’s much more supportive, affectionate, and encouraging. He compliments me and treats me well overall.
But I still feel resentment.
For example, he’s the only person in my life who has never heard me sing or play guitar. I feel uncomfortable being vulnerable like that around him. There’s still a mental block, like I don’t feel safe sharing that side of myself with someone who used to make me feel small in those exact areas.
Recently, I posted a guitar cover, and he complimented me. But instead of feeling happy, I felt disconnected. I don’t really want or need validation from him specifically, and it’s hard to take his compliments seriously given how he used to speak to me.
I’ve talked about this in therapy and I understand that I attached meaning to his words, especially because they aligned with my insecurities. But even with that awareness, the feeling hasn’t gone away.
My question is: how do I move past resentment toward a partner who has genuinely changed? And is it fair that I still don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with him, or does that mean something deeper in the relationship is unresolved?
TL;DR: My boyfriend used to make hurtful “jokes” about my insecurities before we dated. He’s now supportive and kind, but I still feel resentment and can’t open up to him in areas he used to criticize. How do I move past this, or is it a sign of a deeper issue?
uld like to be better