I am 32 and I was reflecting about this today, and why I feel that I have no confidence is because growing up I never felt like I measured up to my mom and dad's success.
My dad and my mom both came from families with modest means, but they were top of their class, and they were the first people in their family to ever go to college, and they had successful careers. My dad was a very successful businessman in the 90s and was once one of the wealthiest man in the city I was born in, he was likeable, and a risk-taker in business, my mom was smart, calm, and well-spoken and went into academia and later became a professor at a university.
Growing up I felt my mom and dad were my role model, and not only did I want to live up to their standards but wanted to exceed it. I had these fantasies of becoming famous, wealthy, or influential. I wanted to be a successful businessman as well or someone famous, or a professional athlete.
But in reality, I was really a kid who struggled with everything, school, athletics, social skills. I the exact opposite of my mom and dad. I was a C student, I was not good at sports, I wasn't popular nor did I have many friends. I was emotional and sensitive to failure and criticism, and had no confidence, I would easily give up on things without trying. I struggled with motivation, and consistency, and I couldn't pay attention.
Yet later on in life I tried to remedy these things, and I had some success. My grades got better in high school and I went to college as well, I found an ok paying job after, my social skills improved and I started to have a bigger circle of friends, I went to the gym religiously and physically got stronger as well.
But yet after all these years and all these things, I still felt that I am a loser at 32 years old and that I can't do what others can. That I don't have it in me to handle difficult things, to handle adversity, to solve problems, and everything I accomplished is insignificant and a result of dumb luck rather than my own resilience or effort.
Does anyone feel the same? Can you share how you got over this? Thanks.
Also FYI, my mom is a loving person and always supported me in my choices and struggles. My dad I know he feels disappointed that at 32, I never turned out to be what he wished I would become. I don't blame him for it, at the end of the day, I am who I am.
Also, I lost my job a couple months ago and really struggling find a new one. That's why I've been thinking about my past and trying to work on my confidence to get another job.