I’m tired. tired of feeling alone, tired of putting myself out there. I dont expect anything in return for the things I do, I do them because they need to get done. I do everything tho. who is doing anything for me? i am there to fix every issue, always, you can depend on me. and despite how I feel, I will still do it, because I love you. but where is this coming back to me? I only need it sometimes, not near as much as I give it out it. im not trying to tally my good deeds, but in the hour where I need something who do I ask? What am I to do when so many people depend on me, but I find myself alone when faced with my own problems. Now I know it’s only up to me to fix my own problems, but that lesson is cemented into me and I wish once, just once, someone would show up and help me, not because I NEED the help, but because they want to help. I’m tired of working on cars, I am tired of fixing houses, I am tired of raising other peoples kids. I am tired of feeling like the only beacon of help around. Id do All of this stuff for the people around me, and will continue to do i despite this rant. If someone cooked me a home cooked meal or brought me a gift or just thought about me, instead of being a do-for, I’d probably fucking cry. Im not asking for a parade or a special holiday, but it’s very obvious to me that I need some energy pushed my direction instead of giving it out. i need some love. I need some help.
im writing this under my car, needing someone to help me bleed my brakes. Where are they? I know i should feel no shame in asking for help but I do, but it doesn’t matter anyone cause there’s no one there to press the pedal.