How do I get over the loss of my mother who died tragically, without becoming bitter and deeply wounded?

I can’t say how she died due to the auto mod, but let’s just say she struggled badly with depression.

My brother and I lost my mother to a mental health crisis when we were 10 and 8 respectively.

It haunts me. It haunts me more now that I’ve gotten older and see all of these families celebrating their moms and mine effectively ditched me.

Anyone else here or am I alone? This experience seems so rare I don’t really, and can’t really relate to others at times. The world is not vibrant for me. I’ve been through hell.

Am I insane to think that it colored my world? You know how some people have rose colored glasses? I have the opposite. I have black.

My brother struggles too. My dad refused to put us in therapy saying “we’d be fine”

Edit- I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. But it does concern me that I have thoughts like “just quit” but studies show kids who lose a parent that way have a much much higher risk of doing the same. It’s scary how deeply it burns into your brain.