A few days ago I accidentally found out my husband has been subscribing to Only Fans. We had come home from a birthday party and I wanted to look at the pictures he took on his phone. Ended up seeing a video of a naked girl that he had screen recorded. After lots of questions he admitted that he has been subscribing to OnlyFans content for the last year and a half – through our engagement and wedding. This came up once before, when we had just started living together and I told him I wasn't comfortable with OF (porn is fine) and he agreed he would stop.
We went through his credit card statement and he's spent a few thousand dollars in the last year and a half but promises it was only on videos and subscriptions and had not been messaging them or getting personalized content.
We are looking at buying houses and trying to start a family. It's hard to verbalize how exactly I feel. Mostly embarrassed, betrayed, disappointed, disgusted and really, really angry.
For some background, our sex life hasn't been great lately and I chalked it up to his work stress but have brought it up to him many times wanting to work on it and even switched my medication hoping that would help improve my sex drive. To find out all the while he's been choosing to pay women to get naked instead of having sex with me is demoralizing. I am not an unattractive woman, I got in really good shape for the wedding and have maintained that, I take care of myself, etc.
I was in a very toxic relationship before and promised myself I would not let anyone make me feel like I wasn't enough again. I obviously love him and we are married so it's not as simple to just walk away. In all other areas of our relationship he is amazing and always make me feel seen. He has already made outreaches to start therapy and try to figure out if it's some kind of addiction. I am just concerned that I will be dealing with this for the rest of our lives. Trust has been completely broken and I feel betrayed on many levels. I guess I am just looking for advice from neutral third parties as far as what to do or think.