Hey there! this is my first post ever here, im currently looking on any advice that you might have for me. This august itll be our first year anniversary, just for you to keep in mind that im new at this.
Sorry if theres a lot of misspelling, english is not my first language. and sorry for the LONG post.
My husband is the loveliest man ever, lately we've been struggling with a few stuff, number 1 being the sex ritual, either hes too tired for it or when we do it its mostly for his pleasure, we discussed this a few times now, its been great, but i still want him to want me, if that makes any sense? he has a very tight schedule working nights, we go to the gym in the am, share breakfast and then hes out of the shower and ready for bed which i dont mind bc hes the only one working rn (im in the process of getting my work permit) so i want him to rest as much as needs/wants/likes, the problem is when hes off hes mostly never trying to be playful with me and lately ive found myself being the only one iniciating anything sexual between us, so its been hard, he says sometimes its just different for guys (mind you hes the only man ive been in such a long relationship with) and i want to understand, but like i said, its been hard lately.
Just yesterday we had a discussion over whatsapp bc before he left everything was alright, per say, in the morning he came back from work very grumpy and i noticed that he was taking it on me, couldnt even greet me like we always do, i was confused and asked him if he as ok and said that he was just doing stuff and got grumpy, so i gave him space to deal with it and i went back on getting ready for the gym, after that we had yet another small discussion and i honestly hate it when hes grumpy and he picks on me so i got grumpy and he got upset ????? does he expect me to be fine after dealing with his attitude? i obviusly told him that but at the gym we talked and were fine.
I got my period last night so i can understand my reactions a little bit better today but yesterday i asked him if he likes me (i know, stupid question) but i noticed that hes been having less patience for everything lately, inluding me, he gets easily frustrated and when i ask him about it he just says that is too much that hes dealing with at work and his family situations and ive been trying to get him to talk more so he can vent and stuff, havent practiced that too much tho. ok so he answered saying that he loves me and just bc hes grumpy i shouldnt take it personal and my first thought shouldnt be "hes upset at me" which i understand but we are both emotional, specially me, so when hes grumpy for a long time and doesnt even try to not be soooo grumpy i get upset but i dont make a fuss (or fuzz? idk english very well, sorry) and this is our second week of us going to the gym M to F and the second week thats hes been "helping" me in the kitchen, this is where i get upset and i could get resentful when were done eating he just throws everything in the sink and let it soak but never actually washes the dishes if i dont ask him, i mean is common sense i would think, but he doesnt and when i ask him i can tell hes upset about it and last night our fight via whatsapp was related to the events in the morning, he said that he looks for a little bit of sympathy bc he works hard and yesterday he was upset in the morning bc he had to fold some laundry and didnt have clean workout shorts, i didnt do laundry on monday bc i did grocery shopping and was busy with other stuff, plus dinner for both of us, etc. that comment relly reached a point where my feminist side was UPSET bc i understood that he wanted me to not complain and just have everything ready for him or something, he mentioned that he had to take the trash out and some boxes (of his grandpas delivery stuff that i didnt even see) that were there for 3 days and he said that i obviously wasnt going to do anything about it and i was flipping out. I never ask anything of him during the week bc i prioritize his sleep schedule and when hes off we both do the chores around the house like we always have, but this past 2 months hes been really crabby, grumpy, bad mood, if i ask him of anything and its making me sad bc i expect him to do the basic stuff without me asking him to, he should just do it bc were a team and whenever i do it i never complain or anything. We really dont fight, or argue a lot, but its been too repetitive lately, i think he just wants me to be a housewife and thats it, but he says that thats not his point ever.
Im just really exhausted emotionally and talking about it with him at this moment its been hard and im trying to avoid it bc like i said, im exhausted.
Also, I know hes not cheating, this is not the case, i trust him and we love each other very deeply, its just when we argue we dont seem to be able to communicate very well, also since english is not my first language sometimes the tone and or phrases puts me off or viceversa.
Thank you so much in advance.