Hello all, let me preface this with the statement that I am not blameless in this post and I accept that. So, moving into the context, my wife and I got to together when I was 20 and she was 26. We met in October '23 and were married by December of '23. Which I know was fast by all metrics, but she was in a bad place and I was less than a year into my military service. The first six months were rough, as she had many mental health problems, which I attempted to help her with, I looked for a therapist for her to see, bought her a vehicle so she could attend her appointments and often dealt with her breaking down claiming she wanted to end her own life. With treatment, she got better. Medication, talk therapy and an in-patient/out-patient group helped her find her footing again. During this time, there were many time that I would come home (while she was unemployed) and face a whirlwind of accusations, including that I wasn't helpful around our apartment (which I was involved in the cleaning of), didn't want her to be happy and thought that I was planning to hurt her (I have never laid a finger on her). Later, she was diagnosed with BPD and Schizo-Affective disorder and the medication slowly helped her to fight the voices that told her these awful things and she began to show renewed interest in life. She took an interest in playing games with a group of friends that she had been playing video games with since before we met. I was happy for her, until she asked me to play a game with her and said friend, and noticed that one of these male friends very clearly had a romantic interest in my wife. I expresses to my wife on several occasions that I was uncomfortable with this bond as we were newly married and I felt this friend was a line. She said I was overreacting to this friendship, and I admit that one night that I snooped on her messages with this friend and saw that they had several hours long calls that began when I left for work and only ended when I was nearly off work and would call my wife to chat on my drive home. Between the messages were messages that implied a level of familiarity that went beyond mere friendship, including messages that promised that she only wanted to share special moments with him and he would call her pet names. In response to this I expressed to my wife that I wanted her to cut off this person, for the reasons stated previously and because he spent all his time playing video games and smoking weed (The same thing my wife was doing at this time). I told her that this friend seemed like a bad influence and he obviously had a crush on her, which she reciprocated. She disagreed and continued to spend all day playing games with him whilst I was at work, until he became rude and aggressive because my wife wouldn't stay up all night playing games with him ass well. At which point she came around to my point of him being a bad influence and cut him off. Things were better for six months, and we grew closer, she took better care of herself and did more with her time, by engaging in her hobbies and taking up rollerblading. Then one day when I returned from work, she told me that she had reopened communication with him, as he had reached out to apologize and tell her that he was "over her". I was skeptical and it only took a month for this friend to tell her that he still had feelings for her and she cut him off for good. Throughout this time, my wife and I had developed a dependency on alcohol, we would easily kill a handle of vodka in two days or less, because she was home and would drink through the day while playing games. I encouraged her to find work and she said she was looking, but nothing ever came of it. I was also drinking too much after I got off work and we would both often fall asleep on our couch during a session of drinking. I recognized my problem and made the decision to cut back personally, but she she claimed she needed something to kill the boredom while she was home with nothing to do, and I regret to say that I would continue to bring alcohol home. It was easier than arguing and saying we both needed to cut back. Fast forward to twelve weeks ago, she and I had both been pretty distant from each other. She would fall asleep most nights on the couch and sleep there while I would go to our bed and sleep alone. At the same time she stopped helping around the house, and I was left to pick up the slack, while also working more than forty hours a week on average, plus cooking for us both and looking after two cats. Then, despite more than 18 months of asking her nightly, if she would come to bed, or be coming to bed at all during the night. She had met a new group of online friends and would stay up until easily three to four AM playing games with them. She would often be loud and I would leave our bedroom and ask her to respect that I needed to sleep for work in the morning, and follow the statement with the same question," Are you coming to bed tonight?" She almost never did, and there were probably less than thirty times in, eighteen months that she slept in the same bed as me. Opting to sleep on the couch, whether because she was up late or because of alcohol making her sleepy. During the last three months, she had asked me repeatedly if I found her attractive, as our sex life had become non-existent, and for the first two months I said it wasn't her, it was my fault. I had put on about fifteen pounds, going from 185lbs when we met, to 200lbs. But one night I finally answered truthfully, saying I no longer found her attractive. As she had gained in excess of 100lbs, going from 100lbs to nearly 200lbs, in the last 12 months from lack of exercise and drinking. It was a this point our relationship grew more strained. She spent more time playing games and less time with me. Everything came to a head four weeks ago, when I got off work while working from and left our home office, she was playing games and asked me to go away, because she didn't want me to hear her conversation. I respected the request and went back into my office and sat by the door to listen to her conversation. I regret this choice as I heard her discussing many things with one of her new friends on playstation, including discussion of sending intimate photos of themselves to each other. At that point, I walked out and asked her what was going on and she said nothing was happening, and I just left and went for a drive. When I returned about two hours later she was asleep and I looked through her phone again and saw that this friend had been deleting their messages, but in the most recent communications had called my wife "pookie" a common pet name. When my wife woke up several hour later I told her I wanted to be done, and divorce her. She begged me to reconsider and told me she had never sent him any intimate photos. But I reminded her of the text message she sent me after I left, which said "Why does it matter who I send photos too, he finds me attractive and you don't" at which point she broke down. I was also crying as I packed a few items away for safety, and she continued to ask me to forgive her, and to go to therapy. I did agree to go to therapy, and we have been twice, but I still feel nothing towards her romantically. I don't want to stay and I want to go on my own path, seek personal therapy and be more than I am now. Where do I go from here?
TLDR: I want to leave my wife after she had potentially had an emotional affair with another man.