We briefly dated in the late 2010s, after a short period of friendship. It ended poorly – he was unable to move past the romantic aspect of our relationship and became increasingly manipulative in his attempts to re-engage me romantically. It got bad enough that I had to block him across all platforms.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago: I received a message via Pinterest. He wrote casually that I'd popped into his head and that he hoped we could be "pals" again. On the surface the message was warm and nostalgic, but the reality is that he is blocked on email, Facebook, and everywhere else – meaning he deliberately sought me out across different platforms until he found one that worked. Definitely not as casual as he is trying to portray.
Before responding, I did a little digging and discovered he is now married, so I replied cautiously – I said it was a surprise to hear from him, that I wasn't looking to reopen anything given our history, and that his being in a relationship made the whole thing feel quite odd. I wished him well.
These are his replies, sent across a few weeks:
[17th – first message] "Cautious is perfectly understandable, I know there was a lot of hurt on both sides way back when – and I know that many people can be, or try to be, quite manipulative when they claim to reach out in friendship. I messaged you here because it was the only place I could. The fact that you still pop up in my mind from time to time tells me that, I think, we could still be good friends. I'm not looking for anything other than that – I'm now a happily married man."
[second message, sent shortly after] "Pinterest blocked my message because I put a phone number on it!! Anyway what I did say was that I genuinely only want friendship, and that I want your friendship because I really think you were, are, a genuine person. That is so rare [my name], hence you still residing in my memory after so long. If you don't reply that's totally fine and you won't hear from me again. I do understand what went wrong all those years ago, and I wanted to say I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you, as I know you feel the same for the hurt you caused me. If you have interest in a genuine friendship that'd make my day – if not, no worries, and I truly wish you all the happiness in the world."
[4th – unprompted follow-up despite saying I wouldn't hear from him again yada yada] "One last thing – I reached out because I had the strangest sensation you were in pain. A tough spot maybe. I like to help and support where I can. Maybe what's best for you is to shut out unknowns in your life, and I understand that. I've lost quite a few friends over the last months – hence my wish to rekindle old ones. It'd be really nice to hear from you – but if not, don't worry – you won't have to block me from yet another platform. With a warm smile."
I'm not even going to bother sharing with you all the ways these messages are so incredibly inaccurate and manipulative (loving his tarot/horoscope-esque attempt at drawing me in with false empathy), but you may be able to recognise it even without knowing the historic context.
To me, this follows a super familiar pattern – the same mix of flattery, made-up vulnerability, and subtle guilt-tripping I saw the first time around. I'm going to block him again regardless.
My questions for you are: if I choose to respond before blocking, is there anything actually worth saying or confronting? And secondly – his wife appears to be on Facebook. I'm torn on whether to reach out to her. I don't want to blow up anyone's marriage, but I also can't shake the feeling that she deserves to know her husband is tracking down blocked exes across social media. I would want to know in her position. I hate the idea of this man being my husband and doing these things…
Thanks all in advance.