I (29F) was dating a guy (38M) for about a month (we met on Tinder) We met with the intention of finding a serious relationship. On paper, things seemed aligned — similar income, and I’m in tech with strong growth potential, while his career is more stable/plateaued.
On our first date, he told me he was divorced (married only 6 months, and according to him it was entirely his ex-wife’s fault). During the date, he was very touchy, which made me slightly uncomfortable, but I tried to give him a chance because he also seemed caring.
After that, he would text me constantly — daily good morning texts, lots of attention. We ended up seeing each other about 10 times in a month. But looking back, most of the time I was the one initiating plans, and our dates were usually just hanging out at his place or mine, going to the gym, and only once to a museum.
He would often say he liked me and saw a future with me.
At some point I told him I’d like to go out more instead of always staying in. He immediately got defensive and said I was asking for too much. He told me if I expected proper dates that cost money, I should “go find a rich guy” — which confused me because I actually make as much or more than him.
When I tried to explain, he didn’t believe me.
He also said things like:
his exes were “very beautiful” but “beautiful women are unreliable”
if I gained 20 lbs, he wouldn’t date me
constantly calling me “tiny” and “sweet” while referring to himself as “the boss” “the big bear”
He also body-shamed other women a lot, and even said his female coworkers probably want sugar daddies.
At the time, I felt uneasy but couldn’t fully explain why. Now looking back, I feel like I was being gaslit and subtly put down. But because he was sweet in person and texted me every day, I still got attached.
Recently I told him I’m not okay with how he sees me. He hasn’t replied since.
Now I’m sitting here feeling both:
like he was manipulating me the whole time
and also strangely sad and attached
How do I actually move on from this emotionally?
TL;DR:
Dated a 38M for a month who said he wanted something serious but put in minimal effort (mostly staying in, I initiated most dates). He was affectionate and texted daily, but also made comments about money, appearance, and “beautiful women being unreliable,” which now feel like subtle put-downs. I got attached to the attention, but when I finally spoke up about how he treated me, he disappeared. Now I know it wasn’t healthy, but I’m struggling to detach emotionally.