Hi im a F(25) residing in a semi-big west coast city in north america. I found that I’ve been having trouble getting past the first dates with guys and I wanted to see what could be the problem. I know that common sentiments are:
– Catfishing/pics are misleading (I dont use filters, angles, or photos older than a year – I work out consistently and have a healthy diet. I also have full body pictures. I also don’t put on heavy makeup in person and my photos reflect that. My hair is the same. No new piercings or tats. Also asked for feedback from both my female and male friends to see if I looked diff in person or smelled weird – this was not the case).
– Shooting out of my league (I know I’m conventionally attractive if I’m getting matches and first dates as well as attention in real life from men. I also know that I’m not influencer/model level pretty. I know my league. I also rarely send out likes to men first – sorry – so most of the time its the guys liking me. I’m not shooting above my league in that sense).
– No spark in person. (I think this is a bit unrealistic. First dates can be awkward and you’re just getting to know the person. How can one expect a spark immediately? Regardless I try to be as extroverted, bubbly, and engaged in the convo exactly as I was on text. I ask him questions and dont just talk about my career or talk abt “shallow” things like how much money he makes, what I like to buy, etc – I know this can be a dealbreaker for men. More often the guy seems to struggle A BIT keeping up the convo but thats not a problem to me at all. He could be shy, awks, introverted etc. its normal! We speak about both serious and unserious topics as well such as hobbies, traveling, fav media, dating goals, career goals, etc etc. of course I can also be shy and awks esp in the beginning not saying I’m a conversational genius but I do open up quickly and contribute to the conversation, its not just me talking over them abt myself. We often end up bantering and vibing abt shared interests).
– Lifestyle (I have a job, car, physically active, have several hobbies, a strong social circle, I volunteer, I’m not a homebody or introvert and I dont match with those guys either bc I know we wouldnt be a match.)
– Attitude (I’ve never been rude to any waitstaff/customer service or checked my phone/time even if I was uninterested. I’m always as polite and kind as I can be and many people have said – including my dates – that I was very considerate and nice. I’ve also offered to split many times which they appreciated and declined. Maybe they think I’m too easy and a pushover? Not sure.)
– Physical affection (I dont really give out hugs or kisses first because its just the first date but if they go for a hug/kiss/hand holding I will immediately reciprocate)
– Distance (The guys have never had to travel more than 40 mins for the date. I dont live a BIG big city nor do I have my distance on the app set to a huge range).
– Types of guys I go for (I vet out any guys who arent serious about their dating goals such as “short term relationships” or guys just looking for hookups or just general red flags abt their profiles. Again, I dont go for the “top 5%” of guys on the apps. I avoid them like the plague bc I know nothing serious is going to happen with them).
Pls help!! I rlly do want to get past first dates and if its a me person then I want to fix or upgrade myself