So I have this thing regarding dating and it’s getting a bit worse with time. I thought it was a good thing and it’s honestly probably a protective mechanism but I feel like it might also be self sabotage.
I have a huge problem with people who aren’t monogamous even in the dating phase, not judging the ones who do ofc, I consider myself to be pretty open minded, but if it reaches me, like they’d be interested in me but have others on the side, I feel this disgust towards them and just wanna run and never look back, I feel slightly annoyed by their presence afterwards too. It goes the same way for people claiming they like hooking up etc. same reaction : I go in this sort of fight or flight mode and have no interest in continuing onward.
I feel like I get afraid to get hurt and go into self protection mode. Although, I do that only if I’m not close to someone, when I’m attached, I have some sort of anxious attachment.
Might be related to my past but any sign of instability, disloyalty, reckless behaviour, mindless casual dating… I get hugely triggered and although I’m trying to heal my traumas, I cant put my finger on why I have this strong blockage and how to get past it..