Please don't say something like "stop being friends with them" or "find a new friend group". Neither is possible since I am in college and have no other friend group option and I don't wanna be an outcast again like I was in school.
So I have been friends with these people since 2 years from the very beginning of college. They seemed nice and cool and I thought I found like minded people. I was socially anxious due to bullying in school so I mostly stayed with them, I did get to know other people but I really wanted to have a stable friend group.
However overtime everything changed into this "group dynamic" where everything revolves around 1-2 people and you can either choose to blindly follow them for validation or sit there and be left out. Honestly I don't really like being someone's tail so I don't think I can just follow their orders, but since everyone else does, they expect it from me too. And if I deny just doing whatever those 1-2 people want, I come off as "rude" even though I didn't even do anything wrong, I just refused to be bossed around.
I am close with one of the people that are apparently on top of the hierarchy of our friend group and tried to convey this but I don't think that person would ever understand how I feel since they're so used to being the center of attention and having everything go their way. And now I'm the person who always have to walk behind the group, always ends up sitting on the very end when we're sitting in a row. Even if I manage to somehow sit somewhere where I might get more attention, people just switch seats so the dynamic revolves around those 1-2 people. The worse part is somehow everyone expects me to prioritise and always be ready to help them but never do the same for me.
It honestly seems childish. Like are we really playing the "popular kid and their minions" as adults!? I thought such things would end when you grow up but apparently not. Maybe it's lack of my self esteem and you can even say I'm jealous of everyone else for always getting what they want. But I just wish it wasn't this way. Sure it's normal to be closer to someone in the friend group than the rest but why am I always the one who is disrespected or excluded?