I (23F) am currently 10 months into my first relationship with my wonderful boyfriend (23M). We both live in New York City, and have for 4/5 years now. We are both from California and quite outdoorsy. I was previously an avoidant attachment, and through a lot of work in therapy made this relationship happen after many attempts to sabotage it in order to protect my deep rooted fears of rejection and abandonment. The past months have been really wonderful now that I am in a secure place. I am deeply in love, and since it is my first relationship- I never planned for him to be my husband, and I still think he probably isn’t my forever person. Even though I think he is the most wonderful human and best friend I’ve ever had. The predicament here is that he is pretty unhappy in New York. He misses peace and quiet and nature. He finds New York to be too crowded and expensive (factual) and has had a really hard time finding a job he is satisfied with since graduating college. He always talks about wanting to leave New York and live somewhere cheaper and more slow paced. I however, love it here. I’ve never been happier than I am now, all my friends are here, and my career is just starting out which I mandates stay in the city for at least a couple more years to solidify this path. So. His lease ends August 1st, which is when he will decide if he wants to find a new lease/renew in New York City. My lease ends May 31st, and I am going to travel and stay with my parents until I begin a new lease and job on August 1st. The predicament is, what if I leave New York for the summer, and my boyfriend moves? I have always said I wouldn’t be in a long distance relationship, especially without a clear timeline. So him leaving = us breaking up. I literally can’t sleep or ever picture the future/ make plans for the future because it is so full of fear and dread about this doomsday August 1st. I can’t get excited about my new job or decide who I want to live with in my new lease because i am trying to cope ahead or anticipate a potential life destroying heartbreak caused my factors out of my control. I don’t know how to cope, or communicate my feelings with my boyfriend because I would feel so much better knowing he intends to stay in new york, but also feeling like if his destiny is somewhere else, why would I stand in the way of his happiness? And since I know this relationship must end at some point, is this august 1st possibility divine intervention? I feel so depressed thinking about that possibility, and it’s kind of ruining my life- this uncertainty. I keep praying he will miraculously find a perfect career opportunity here that’s too good to leave- at least then I am not the deciding factor in his staying. It feels so punitive that I worked so hard to open up and finally be vulnerable in a relationship, to be potentially abandoned due to external circumstances 🙁 I almost just want to end the relationship now to save myself the heartbreak, but I know that is just an intrusive avoidant thought. Also- he did ask if I would live with him, but I had to decline because my parents are very strict and traditional.
TL;DR managing uncertainty about relationship eventually ending. Boyfriend debating moving states.