Hello, I’m 21M and I go to a major university and I haven’t had much of a social life since COVID. I have a very good academic situation but I feel like focusing on it has made me miss out on a lot of experiences in life. I was in 9th grade when the lockdown happened and it made me isolate myself with online friends which ended up not really leading anywhere and made me feel very lonely.
I started dual enrolling in summer 2020 at the age of 15, this meant I never really had a high school experience past 9th grade and I regret that so much, if I watch shows or something with high school in it it’s hard for me to relate to them as an example, I wish I could go back in time and make myself be a normal high school student.
I started normal 4 year university at 17 and it’s went well academically, however I did not live on campus except for one summer and I usually just drove to class and went home, I regret this very much of course. I’m graduating in a couple weeks however I am only 21 and i’m immediately doing a masters’ degree, and apparently the average age of a junior at my university is 22 and the average age of a senior is 24. I hope i’m not too old or that i’ve missed my window since ill be in grad school now (same campus and university as before)
I’m really trying to be more social now, my dream is to just have friends it would make me so happy, if I look up questions like this I see a lot of people who seem to be asking how to talk to people. I am very good at holding conversations and being a good friend, my problem is that I find it hard to initiate a friendship to get to that point.
Unfortunately my classes have ended by now so that probably won’t work so well at least until the summer semester starts in a few weeks.
Since I decided to start being more social I’ve tried making small talk with people a lot and it’s gone well! But i’m not sure how to make friends out of that, or how to meet new people. I have tried clubs but most are winding down currently since the semester is ending and many seem to not be very active at my university. Some of the athletic ones are more active, and I am athletic, but I find it hard to really speak to people when I’m working out, I went to a running club but it seemed to be about an already established team and you can’t really talk while running hard.
So is it acceptable to just go up to people and talk to them? I don’t want to annoy people but i’m not sure what else to do. And I really hope i’m not too old already I know 21 isn’t that old but it just feels like i lost my entire life from 15-21, sure I have a great academic situation but life is about having fun to me at least and I want to make friends and smile and have fun.
And I’ve never done anything with women which is also pretty embarrassing to me at this age but I have heard focusing on friends first is better. I went to a christian school and they never taught about such things and my parents never did either so I had a lot of misconceived notions, I essentially thought that women did not enjoy it and just did it for the guy and I felt horrible about that and didn’t want to partake in it, although I know that isn’t true now of course. I want to experience these feelings in life though honestly more than anything. I don’t think I am ugly or bad at speaking but I’m not sure how to do that either, do I just randomly go up to girls and talk to them? I don’t want to seem like a creep or annoy them. I have read that it’s harder after college, I really hope that I haven’t misssed the window already since apps and things don’t result in anything for me and I would prefer to meet people in real life.
There are some people who just want to complain and that isn’t me, I am very dedicated to fixing this and I’ve spent most of my time on it in recent weeks. I quit social media and a lot of internet related things, it has helped my mental state so much. I was isolated on the internet so much I kind of forgot how people acted so I’ve just been going around campus and observing people speaking and making small talk, it seems to be improving everyday but I don’t have a friend yet i’d say. I will try to talk to people in my grad school classes when they start but I am worried people will be less open than undergrads will be. I see people talking on campus but usually they’re talking to someone else or just sitting there so it feels hard to jump in, I just want to have friends like them
So should I just go up to people and start talking to them, is that the best idea here? I will try to attend more clubs in the fall but that’s a long time to wait, most are inactive during the summer unfortunately. I just want to smile and make people happy and experience life and be happy, I really am a very kind person I think, I just find it hard to initiate friendships after isolating for so long. Thank you for the help 🙂 I’m majoring in accounting if that matters, happy to answer any other questions in the comments